Lately i’ve been staying up late just going over endless things in my mind.
since my last post i have heard back from my job who are willing to give me another chance after my anxiety break i had off work. although i missed loads of training they are going to wipe the slate clean and start me off in a new training group in 2 weeks time!
I don’t know how i feel about this.. on one hand I’m grateful i have another chance at this job as it definitely is one of the best jobs i’ve had so far and i’ve already met some lovely people. But on the other i know my mind and I’m not sure how long i can last before I’m off ‘sick’ again with anxiety. In my head i’ve been trying to be positive, trying to get myself back in to a routine ready for work. Get up early, healthy diet, get out the house. but all i’ve done instead is sleep all day, awake all night, rubbish diet and i’ve not been taking my meds everyday which doesn’t help.
I’ve also been thinking about the past a lot too. looking back at all the times i really messed up. I just wish i had better support around me as at the time it was obvious i had anxiety & depression but i was in denial and young. I pushed all my friends away and would make excuses not to meet them, even though back then i was stunning and confident there was no reason to be scared of what people thought of me. Now Im 22 and I’m avoiding life! i should be out there living it but i just feel theres so much i cant change already that i don’t see the point in trying.
Me and my partner had an argument about money and he’s very stubborn, this obviously led to me getting upset and going back to my place. It really made me panic as i really care for him, sometimes i feel he’s all i have in life and without him i wouldn’t know what to do. We did make up fairly quick but it brings you into perspective of how quickly things can change.
Hopefully i will get some sleep and do something positive with my day tomorrow.
See you soon.