Suppressed passion

So it’s late again, 2:42am to be precise.

I messed up my day again, just slept through it all then decided to get up. I didn’t do much just watched a bunch of movies, dyed my hair and found a new song i like. When i listened to this song it reminded me of how much i love to sing and my suppressed passion i have for it. I would love to be able to sing, i feel i can sing its just i am very shy and there is no way i could do it in front of anyone. I would do it at home but theres always someone in so i wouldn’t feel comfortable. Which is sad because i’ve just realised singing could fill a hole in me that i’ve been missing. Wish i could find a way to sing, write songs in the company of just myself, but unfortunately life doesn’t work out this way.

I actually had an opportunity back in high school to musically progress with my best friend/ lover James. we grew up together, he was so amazing at guitar and had such a natural flow for it. it was one of the reasons i loved him, he was so passionate. So many times he offered me to sing along with me but because i was shy i turned it down. Anyway things didn’t work out with James, i didn’t feel deep enough to stay in a relationship with him and it caused us to fall out for some time. we eventually started talking again but naturally became distant over the years. Now he’s become quite successful in a new band with his new girlfriend who sings along side him. i sometimes wonder if that would have been me if i had taken James offer oh so long ago. i definitely missed that opportunity.

Anyway time to put my dream back in its box.

See you soon.

A xx

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