Avoidance

So today I ventured out the house to yet again my favourite coffee shop. To be honest I wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t for my other half who pushed me to meet him for a coffee.

The last week or so has been very unhealthy, lots of sleeping and at the weekends reckless drinking and spending money I really don’t have to spend at the moment. Im suppose to be going back to work and starting with a new training group on Monday but the closer I get to Monday the more I feel I’m not going to be able to do it. I’ve come to another cross roads where Im stuck, I either go back to work and try regardless of my anxiety or don’t but be stuck with all my bills that I cant afford to pay and the stress that unemployment brings. Saying it like that it sounds very obvious that I should at least try and go back to work but stupid me has not been taking her meds. I haven’t taken my anxiety and depression pills in over 5 days and I’m having really bad side effects from it, hot and cold sweats, a feeling of being spaced out and really unconfident and scared in public. All because I keep forgetting to take them. I feel that I’m not really looking after myself at the moment, like I’m punishing myself for being so pathetic and useless. Looking at social media and how girls are suppose to look and behave I feel I’m never going to be like them regardless of how much change I make to my life and my looks I’ve already screwed up. I was thinking yesterday of how much I want to go back in time and look after my body and mind, workout and keep in shape, eat healthy and keep a peaceful mind. But unfortunately I’m stuck in this body of a broken girl.

As usual if you have any advice let me know I’m always open for help!

Speak soon, A xx

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