So today was meant to be my first day back at my job starting with a new training group (as previously explained in my last blog post).
Guess who lied to everyone and didn’t go? me obviously. the anxiety got the better side of me and i actually went to the extent of creating a fake email address from my employer and wrote an email to myself saying they no longer wished to keep me on so that i could have proof to the people around me that i didn’t fuck it up its them that did. Thats how bad my anxiety has got that i am lying to the people around me about whats going on with my life. The only person who knows is my partner, he’s very supportive luckily and agree’s this job isn’t the right thing for me at the moment.
My parents are going away on holiday for two weeks tomorrow which is the perfect time for me to be alone and figure out what i’m doing. Realistically I’m wanting a part time job so that i can ease myself back into employment this time and get myself into a routine. It all depends if i can find anything suitable. I need to find a job soon as i need to start making money in order to pay my bills!
Until next time, A xx