So a lot has happened in the last few days, at one point I felt nothing would change for me and now a little speck of light has opened in my future.
So I decided to be strong and reach out to my brother and tell him I’m struggling at the moment. I chose that the best way to do this would be to show him my blog as it can be hard to explain on the spot whats going on in that crazy head of mine. His response was a real eye opener for me, he explained that I expressed on here that I feel I have no support in my life. This hurt me as I don’t want my family to think they haven’t been there for me, because they have. My siblings have always tried to give me advice, comfort me and show me they care but I have always let it go over my head and returned to my old ways. Another point my brother expressed was that I inherit some bad traits from my mother. As much as I love my mum and how she has been the only parent to stick around in my life no matter how much I have acted out she has some issues in her life that do effect me. She sleeps a lot and has bad eating habits, she has always jumped job to job and she has some serious money issues. when thinking about myself I see a lot of her in me lately, We are both bad for each other but I’m in no position to move out to change that.
Since she has been on holiday I have had some time to think alone about my future and what I want. My brother discussed how much uni had helped him In his life and that inspired me to look up on the possibility of going to uni and what I would want to study. After the research I took a passion to one of the courses, ‘English Literature with creative writing. I have always loved writing, thats why I write this blog because its an outlet but also a hobby. In school my English teacher expressed how natural I was at writing and even though my attitude was shocking in school English was the only subject I got a top grade in effortlessly. Thats when Inspiration really hit me and I decided to pursue this idea. After talking to a lecturer for the course we figured that unfortunately I don’t have enough grades to be able to get in for this year. She suggested I do an access course first and that would give me a chance at getting in for next year. Straight away I applied to my local college and now its just a waiting game.
Fingers crossed for me..
See you soon, A xx